We are always running
Whether we know it or not.
We are either
Running from something.
Or
Running towards something.
Something from our past.
Something we hope for in our future.
Whatever that something is
It acts as the driver of our perspectives, decisions, actions.
The engine behind our behaviors and wants.
“I wish ‘that’ never happened.”
“I hope no one will find out about that ‘mistake.’”
“If only they were there for me,”
“Why didn’t they even see me?”
“Such a regret.”
“I should not have drank that much and drove the golf cart through the bunker.”
“If this were to happen…”
“Once I buy that…”
“Once I move there…”
“If only I could…”
“Once that is out of the way…’’
“Once I’m done with this…”
Yet
There is no bad or wrong in either scenario.
Meaning,
It is not wrong to be running from the past.
It is not wrong to be running towards the future.
It is not a flaw, or a problem.
Nothing to be judged for.
Nothing to hide or be ashamed of.
We simply have the opportunity to observe it.
We are invited to be honest that we are one or the other.
And when we are ready, claim it.
Problems often arise when we do not acknowledge it,
When we are not honest about it.
Paradoxically,
Running is that which can
Clear my mind.
It allows me to sort through the day’s happenings, thoughts, feelings.
The clearing, the meditating opens up space to observe
That which I am running towards, from;
Be honest with it –
Own it.
And then, but not always,
I fall into the moment.
Away from the running.
No sense of
To or from.
And I just am.
I am found in running.
Often,
Once I become aware of the flow,
It’s as though I come out of it.
I was in the moment –
Allowing it.
The ‘lost-ness’ of it all.
And with that lost-ness,
Time fades away.
I find an utter connection.
To the trees around me
The ground beneath
The air, the energetical exchange within my lungs.
This feeling that my boundary is no longer contained in my body,
Nor does the separation with the trees, leaves, or birds exist.
The quietness of the woods fills me.
When I get lost in the moment
Lost in that moment of running
Loss of that awareness of self
Lose sight of the past, or the hopes on the horizon
I find in that connection with all.
It is at that moment in a run
Where I am no longer running from my past or lost in the future,
But present to that moment.
Flow.
I can find me.
Only glimpses,
Occasional at most,
Am I able to be present.
It is in that moment, while running, when I am free of where I was or where I am headed.
And I am exactly there in that moment of running –
I am no longer running.
That moment. Connected within time, outside of time.
Outside of past regrets and shame.
Outside of future fear and anxiety.
I didn’t know I was running away or towards anything.
Until
I started running.
By Dr Adam FujitaPT, DPT, CAFS
